Sometimes you get that gut feeling. Most of the time we brush it off like no big deal. Maybe we listen to it but don’t like what it’s telling us, so we just ignore it. Sometimes it becomes impossible to ignore.
I promised total transparency here and when I told my hubby about this blog…he signed off on it…”it” being complete openness and a peek into our marriage and our family-planning-gone-crazy-moments!
So here goes…
We were always joking about our baby timeline and no one, and I mean NO ONE, ever believed we would last long before starting a family. Especially this “two year number” we kept throwing out. Well, we kinda didn’t believe it either. We would chuckle along and try and convince everyone that we wouldn’t have babies right away. But in my heart I knew that was a silly game plan. But we just kept on keepin on…and man, did we have fun! Gosh, we traveled. We conquered Vegas, Disney (seriously, best big kid trip ever!), we visited new places like Seattle, Vancouver and skied the slopes of Whistler…truly we had the best time! But looking back I think we were just distracting ourselves. You know when you are nervous or worried about something, you try and distract your thoughts…yea? Well, we traveled. But we made some of the best memories during that time.
Oh, we got a dog once. For a weekend. I know that sounds really horrible but we thought we wanted a puppy, when in reality we were desperate for a baby. That is when we realized something was off. We went and got a dog to try and fill the void of a baby. Soon after that weekend, we sat down and said something just isn’t right. We weren’t one to protect (ever) during sex- here goes that transparency thing- and during 3 or so years of “not trying but not, not trying” we never once got pregnant. That is a problem. So we first talked with my OBGYN and just explained what (wasn’t) happening…
We began charting and tracking and timing out everything…and I mean everything. We started Clomid, I wasn’t really sure what that was at the time so we just jumped in blind. But it was the cheapest option, so there’s that. Month after month. We’d take it in 3’s…3 months Clomid, 3 months on our own, 3 months Clomid, 3 months on our own. This went on for about a year. Finally, we opted to try and dig a little deeper in to the issues at hand.
My cycles were always normal. Like clockwork. I ovulated the exact same time every month. I never had cramps that kept me down too long. My back would hurt that time of the month, but that was my normal. But still, when my OBGYN talked about a laparoscopy, I humored him. So what is that exactly? It is a surgery where through a small incision in the belly, a fiber optic tube is inserted and the Dr is able to look around. He was looking for lesions, tears, infection, fibroids, anything that wasn’t supposed to be there. Well, he discovered something. Something I had never known. I had Stage IV (the worst one) Endometriosis. I will post more soon about what that is exactly. But the gist is that your body builds up cells that are supposed to be excreted that time of the month (that is the really non-scientific description). But one of the “symptoms” of endometriosis is…
Yep, you guessed it– Infertility.
That was the first time we had heard that word. But certainly not the last.
Do you remember when you first heard that word? How did it make you feel?!