It has been a few weeks since we completed the first part of our latest (fourth and final) IVF cycle and froze our single embryo… 28 days to be exact. But who’s counting?!?
It is crazy to me that just 40 miles away from where, we hope this baby’s nursery will be, that he or she is just frozen, waiting to meet us. Science is amazing. Really amazing. This journey is so unconventional and uncertain. But what is certain, is that life goes on. In there 28 days, we have had to function as normally as we can day to day. We have gone through months of grueling treatments to find ourselves here. With a life created, but not yet pregnant. Typically when you are ttc, you take a pregnancy test, hopefully celebrate the 2 pink lines and prepare for baby…but this is so very different. We celebrated the development of our embryo but then are forced to “press pause”…but life just keeps going on, on “repeat.” The daily routine does not change, your everyday responsibilities do not change, but your thoughts do.
We are very on-purpose about thinking and talking about our embryo. This may sound strange or foreign to those that have never had to think about having a piece of them essentially frozen in time.
“I wish I could sometimes freeze time here, so I do not have to endure another minute away from you.” (this is often part of my daily prayer/conversation when I am talking to my sweet embryo…again, I am sure that sounds strange…but it keeps me focused, positive and encouraged.)
During our last 2 IVF cycles, I had a sweet friend offer to photo-document our walk. This is different, this is inviting someone into the most intimate, private part of your marriage…inviting them behind closed doors. Ultrasounds, lab visits, injection times, the happy appointments and the emotional appointments. She was there when I couldn’t watch the IV being inserted to the moment we heard we only had 2 eggs at retrieval. She laughed with us when we tried to distract one another away from sadness and she held back tears as I wept to the news of a cancelled cycle and then the retrieval of 2 eggs. I am forever grateful for this friend. She knows me so well…and now even more so! LOL…(She is FOREVER sworn to secrecy on what she witnessed at some of the appointments). Karen, my friend, you are amazing, kind, selfless and I am forever grateful to have you on my tribe.
I am sharing these photos to try and somehow invite you in. Invite you to experience the realness of this beautiful (yet painful) chapter in our lives. We do not know how this story will end, but for now, I will enjoy these photos.
Moments that are now…frozen in time…